RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU MADE A NEW YEARS RESOLUTION? ✋

Seems like everywhere you turn, new years resolutions are on everyone brains. They are on all the magazine covers in the HEB checkout line. You see tiktoks and reels from friends and bloggers hitting their goals and making all the smoothies. For some, this time of year can be a fresh start and the boost they need to make the changes they want. But for others, New Years resolutions can seem overwhelming. One reason it may seem that way is because people usually give vague statements like “i want to be healthier this year”. Well what does that really mean? Ask yourself, do you want to lose weight? Maybe you don’t care about your weight but you want to exercise more because it improves your mental health? Want to be healthier by getting more sleep? Once you zoom in and focus on your specific goal, it’s easier to break down the habits and behaviors that need to change to get there. 

So before we dive into New Years resolutions and goals, let’s rewind for just a second.

I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety after my second son was born. Life at home with 2 kids was so hard. All this mama wanted to do was just walk the aisles of Target, get me an iced coffee and get us 3 out of the house to break up the day. And I didn't know it yet, but my life would forever change in that Target nursing room. My 2.5 year old at the time was bouncing off the walls and I was trying to nurse a very wiggly and super fussy 3 month old. Every playful scream my toddler made, felt like nails on a chalkboard and my baby just wouldn’t latch because he was distracted by said loud toddler. Right then and there I started sobbing. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. It was the last drop in the bucket of my already over filled cup. I felt this overwhelming feeling of “I FEEL MISERABLE! I shouldn’t be feeling this way!” I knew right then and there that I had to do something. I couldn’t go another day feeling the way I felt. 

The short version of the story is I found a therapist and after being seen for over a year, I had made a lot of progress. One of the biggest thing she helped me with is what she called “changing the narrative”. She taught me how to stop and think about what is really happening when I was having an anxiety attack. Is the situation around me really as severe as I think it is? Or is my anxiety heightening my senses to make my body feel like its at war, when really it was everyday minor inconveniences. It forced me to diffuse the everyday bombs that were happening in my life. 

So therapy helped me to understand my WHY. Next I just needed to learn my HOW. How do I get my life back now understanding why I do what I do.

I came across something called “HABIT STACKING” which I learned from reading Atomic Habits by James Clear. If you can multitask, you can habit stack!

As busy moms, multitasking is like breathing right? Our plates are full and our mental load feels so heavy most days. This is why I love habit stacking because as a mom, I’m already multi tasking the majority of the day. But now I am putting the positive habits that are good for me and making me a better Jenna into place. 

Examples:

Putting away the dishes while making coffee

watching your favorite show while you walk on the treadmill

reading your daily devotional in the pick up like or curbside getting groceries.

A game changer for me is when I learned to workout WITH my kids! I was able to use habit stacking in a way where I got to workout AND spend time with my boys. For so long I used them as an excuse to not take care of myself. Once I accepted that the workout itself didn’t have to be perfect, it just needed to get done, it allowed me so much more freedom. Plus it was the perfect way to lead by example and show my boys how important staying healthy is. Because I truly believe our kids learn from what they SEE more than what we SAY. And I know it’s working because my favorite gift I received this Christmas was from my 5 year old son who picked out a new water bottle for me. Once I opened it, he said “you are always filling your water after your runs. Now with a bigger bottle, it should hold more!”. Our kids are always watching, and that right there, is my reason more than anything to keep up with my goals!

Another important lesson I learned about habits along the way was you need to be intentional. You need to be specific not just about the goal itself  but about when and where.

Now let’s talk about an example that us moms know all too well. You meet this new mom friend and you want to get together. You both keep saying “we really need to get together!” Then weeks go by and you bump into her again and of course you say “we really should get together!” And then this happens again and again and AGAIN until your kids gradate high school. But what would happen if you said “it was so good seeing you! Let grab dinner this Friday at the pearl” Now you have INTENTIONALLY put a plan into action. 

Now in the beginning of your journey, the end result should not be the goal. Your goal should be the consistency of the habit instead. You should be learning to commit to how often you are doing something rather than how well you are doing it. Because once you master consistently showing up for yourself, no matter the circumstances, there is NOTHING you can’t conquer!

But here is the thing, all these habits don’t matter if your mental foundations isn’t in the right spot. For me, tips like these would have fallen on deaf ears had I not been to therapy already to understand WHY I was feeling the way I did. And also none of these habits matter if you don’t have the discipline to do the task EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Because on the days you don’t want to, is when you need to do it the most. 

From one mama to another

It's no secret that I have been in therapy for over a year to help with my PPD and PPA. (Huge shock for you to hear? Well click HERE and HERE to catch up). Now something that comes with that is that once you find ways that are helping, you kind of become obsessed with "what else can I be doing to help with motherhood or every day life"? 

Motherhood is a lot of really great things right? But also it's exhausting, frustrating, lonely and overwhelming. All these negative things. A lot of times those negative emotions take over and feel like they are outweighing all the good that's happening in your life. So we need to ask ourselves, how are we handling these situations? Why do things feel so negative in motherhood? Is it our personality type? Is it situational? 

I am always telling people "go to therapy! go to therapy! its the best! everyone should be in therapy!" Well, that's not really fair  because there are a lot of factors that come with that big of a decision. A lot of people don't feel comfortable talking with a therapist, they can't afford one or they just don't think it's for them. 

The power of social media can be a wonderful thing. I saw a post that talked about this course called "A Thriving Mother" that was made by Lisa Hansen to help mamas who are struggling. Mamas who are wanting to get the most out of their life with motherhood. When I came across it and read "This course teaches you how to be happy, confident, fulfilled and in control of your time and life by knowing and meeting your personal needs." YES PLEASE!

I thought this was so interesting because I know a lot of other moms who are struggling and don't know why they are unhappy, or they do know exactly why but they need some help figuring out how to navigate. And I believe this course is really good for that. Lisa really breaks it down and talks about your CORE NEEDS. She talks about these things that honestly I didn't even think about that were affecting my every day decisions with my kids and then in turn were affecting my mood and life. I am big advocate for HAPPY MOM HAPPY LIFE because like I have said before, if mama isn't happy, the whole house feels it.

What I really liked about Lisa's course was I felt like I was getting a lot of the same benefits of going to therapy but in the comfort of my own home. I wasn't talking to someone directly because it's an online course that you can do at your own pace. You can pause, rewind, fast forward etc. If something happened during the week that I want to reflect on, I can go back to that part of the course and see where I can make adjustments.

Especially right now during a pandemic, you don't truly realize how much the weight of the world is on your shoulders. There is the "everyday weight" we carry from our kids, families, work etc. But now, with politics and everyone being divided on every issue, you don't realize the toll it's taking on you. And while yes we can settle some of that by turning off the news or being very deliberate with how much you watch, that's really just a temporary fix. How do we figure out how to manage these anxieties post pandemic? (whenever that will be). But also just in general, not putting a band aid on your emotions. How can we really appreciate time with our kids and overall live happier lives? Even more so, when we live in a instagram-y world comparing every day. The scary thing about that is, it can take a toll on you and you don't even realize it is and how it's affecting your every day life choices in your home. (The Social Dilemma anyone? Netflix it and thank my later.)

Something else that I want to talk about is, if you are anything like me, it's incredibly hard to spend money on myself. Now my kids? Psssh. Won't even bat an eye. Spending $50 at Target for random things for them, no problem. But $50 on new jeans for myself because I have a hole in them or they don't fit? NEVER. So when you see something that costs a little more, I think it's really easy to find ways to tell yourself you don't really need it. But I think when you change the narrative and see things as less of a luxury and more of an essential, then it really changes your perspective. And If you are not going to prioritize and invest in yourself, WHO WILL? And from a practical stand point, taking her entire course cost less than one session that I have paid for in person therapy. And if you can get some of the benefits of therapy without doing a year long stint like I have? UM, HELLO! That's a steal! And to be honest, really think about what you spend your money on every day. 

The sooner you finally say you are a priority, you are really going to see the fruits of that labor because it bleeds into everything you do. I have been there! Where you don't know why you are unhappy. You don't know why things are the way there are. Or maybe things are going pretty okay and you just feel like you wish you had some tools to make things a little better.

I know this post sounds like a brain dump but I think it's because I just feel so deeply that with this course, you can start feeling better. Now if you are someone who has been kind of thinking of therapy or maybe you just don't know how they feel about it, this course with Lisa is a great alternative to dip your toes in without fully diving into something like seeing a therapist. To understand what you are doing, why you are doing it, and how is that affecting all the things around you like your kids, spouse, family members or work place. 

Near or far, we are each others tribe and community. How can we help each other?

A Thriving Mother Course

Use code: Jenna5 to get $5 off.