Seems like everywhere you turn, new years resolutions are on everyone brains. They are on all the magazine covers in the HEB checkout line. You see tiktoks and reels from friends and bloggers hitting their goals and making all the smoothies. For some, this time of year can be a fresh start and the boost they need to make the changes they want. But for others, New Years resolutions can seem overwhelming. One reason it may seem that way is because people usually give vague statements like “i want to be healthier this year”. Well what does that really mean? Ask yourself, do you want to lose weight? Maybe you don’t care about your weight but you want to exercise more because it improves your mental health? Want to be healthier by getting more sleep? Once you zoom in and focus on your specific goal, it’s easier to break down the habits and behaviors that need to change to get there.
So before we dive into New Years resolutions and goals, let’s rewind for just a second.
I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression and Postpartum Anxiety after my second son was born. Life at home with 2 kids was so hard. All this mama wanted to do was just walk the aisles of Target, get me an iced coffee and get us 3 out of the house to break up the day. And I didn't know it yet, but my life would forever change in that Target nursing room. My 2.5 year old at the time was bouncing off the walls and I was trying to nurse a very wiggly and super fussy 3 month old. Every playful scream my toddler made, felt like nails on a chalkboard and my baby just wouldn’t latch because he was distracted by said loud toddler. Right then and there I started sobbing. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. It was the last drop in the bucket of my already over filled cup. I felt this overwhelming feeling of “I FEEL MISERABLE! I shouldn’t be feeling this way!” I knew right then and there that I had to do something. I couldn’t go another day feeling the way I felt.
The short version of the story is I found a therapist and after being seen for over a year, I had made a lot of progress. One of the biggest thing she helped me with is what she called “changing the narrative”. She taught me how to stop and think about what is really happening when I was having an anxiety attack. Is the situation around me really as severe as I think it is? Or is my anxiety heightening my senses to make my body feel like its at war, when really it was everyday minor inconveniences. It forced me to diffuse the everyday bombs that were happening in my life.
So therapy helped me to understand my WHY. Next I just needed to learn my HOW. How do I get my life back now understanding why I do what I do.
I came across something called “HABIT STACKING” which I learned from reading Atomic Habits by James Clear. If you can multitask, you can habit stack!
As busy moms, multitasking is like breathing right? Our plates are full and our mental load feels so heavy most days. This is why I love habit stacking because as a mom, I’m already multi tasking the majority of the day. But now I am putting the positive habits that are good for me and making me a better Jenna into place.
Examples:
Putting away the dishes while making coffee
watching your favorite show while you walk on the treadmill
reading your daily devotional in the pick up like or curbside getting groceries.
A game changer for me is when I learned to workout WITH my kids! I was able to use habit stacking in a way where I got to workout AND spend time with my boys. For so long I used them as an excuse to not take care of myself. Once I accepted that the workout itself didn’t have to be perfect, it just needed to get done, it allowed me so much more freedom. Plus it was the perfect way to lead by example and show my boys how important staying healthy is. Because I truly believe our kids learn from what they SEE more than what we SAY. And I know it’s working because my favorite gift I received this Christmas was from my 5 year old son who picked out a new water bottle for me. Once I opened it, he said “you are always filling your water after your runs. Now with a bigger bottle, it should hold more!”. Our kids are always watching, and that right there, is my reason more than anything to keep up with my goals!
Another important lesson I learned about habits along the way was you need to be intentional. You need to be specific not just about the goal itself but about when and where.
Now let’s talk about an example that us moms know all too well. You meet this new mom friend and you want to get together. You both keep saying “we really need to get together!” Then weeks go by and you bump into her again and of course you say “we really should get together!” And then this happens again and again and AGAIN until your kids gradate high school. But what would happen if you said “it was so good seeing you! Let grab dinner this Friday at the pearl” Now you have INTENTIONALLY put a plan into action.
Now in the beginning of your journey, the end result should not be the goal. Your goal should be the consistency of the habit instead. You should be learning to commit to how often you are doing something rather than how well you are doing it. Because once you master consistently showing up for yourself, no matter the circumstances, there is NOTHING you can’t conquer!
But here is the thing, all these habits don’t matter if your mental foundations isn’t in the right spot. For me, tips like these would have fallen on deaf ears had I not been to therapy already to understand WHY I was feeling the way I did. And also none of these habits matter if you don’t have the discipline to do the task EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Because on the days you don’t want to, is when you need to do it the most.
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